How do we create meaningful, happy relationships? One answer is to have vulnerable, honest communication with one another.
Many of the problems that couples face could be alleviated with genuine conversations and transparency. Yet, many of us shy away from that kind of communication.
Allowing yourself to demonstrate that vulnerability can be anxiety-inducing. Sometimes, people worry that rocking the boat and asking difficult questions will spell out the end of their relationship. Others are afraid that their partner won’t be interested in having a heart-to-heart talk. And still others simply never saw a couple who demonstrated effective communication skills, so they don’t know where to begin.
Thankfully, everyone has the capacity to learn these valuable techniques. Here are a few basic communication tips that can help anyone improve their relationships.
Listen Closely
Yes, you need to be able to clearly communicate your own point of view. But remember, these conversations aren’t all about you! If you want to strengthen your relationship and get to the root of any issue, you need to be willing to listen, too.
Try not to interrupt your partner when they are speaking, even if you feel that you are the one who is right or that you know what they are going to say. Do not allow yourself to dominate the conversation—you should spend as much time listening as you do speaking. And don’t zone out, either! Pay close attention to what your partner says.
Be Aware of Your Tone
If you and your partner are in the midst of a heated discussion, it can be easy to fling insults. However, it’s in your best interest to step back and focus on calming down, even if you feel offended by something your partner said. Things said in the heat of the moment, even if they are not really meant, can cause long-term damage to a relationship.
In addition, your tone is just as important as your word choices. So, make efforts to speak calmly and compassionately to your partner. Be willing to take a break to catch your breath and calm down before continuing the discussion.
Body Language
We communicate with much more than just our words. Non-verbal communication is just as important as what you say out loud. When you are in the midst of a tough conversation with your partner, take note of your body language.
Closing yourself off gives your partner the impression that you are not open to solutions. Uncross your legs and arms, and make it a point to look at your partner when they speak. Lean forward slightly towards them so that they can see you are invested in the conversation.
Ask Questions
So many problems that couples encounter arise because they feel confused about what the other person wants. And to make matters worse, they worry that asking something point-blank will set off an argument.
How can you get past this fear? You both need to be willing to ask each other specific questions. If you want to fully understand your partner’s point of view, you have to dig deeper. Asking sincere questions will demonstrate to your partner that you are listening and that you really are interested in them and their needs.
Be Sincere
Finally, both you and your partner need to take communication seriously. When one party is upset about something, this is not the time to make silly jokes or dismissive comments. Sincerity is necessary.
You may have the urge to rush through a particular conversation, viewing it as something you both just need to “get over.” However, this approach will only weaken your connection to your partner. Making time to talk and listen to one another is an important step in strengthening your bond.
Are you and your partner struggling to communicate? If you are both committed to working out the issue, couples therapy can help you navigate these tough situations. And if you would like more information about my approach to therapy, please feel free to contact me.